Lyrics

Reason


Stuck in my head.
Only feel safe in my bed.
But the anxiety is killing me.
These pills don’t help with anything.
Just want to fix all this.
Just trying to do my best without sabotaging everything.
I’m sabotaging everything.

But it’s getting harder.
Turning nightmares into dreams.
Life is the monster.
It leaves me weak at the knees.
I feel like I’m blind and there’s no good to be seen
But when I see you smile it gives me a reason to breathe.

Take these pills twice a day.
Maybe then you’ll feel OK.
Or maybe you’ll lose more of yourself.
Start to feel like someone else.
20 mg doesn’t make me who I am.
It just helps me get through the day.
Helps me numb some of the pain. Shattered glass on the floor.
Substances killing me.
I need something more.

I’m stuck in routine
I need some kind of relief
A reason to breathe
I think I finally believe. 


Artie (The Strongest Man In The World)

I’m decaying. Not sustaining
Stuck in bed.
My mind is drowsy.
Negativity surrounds me.
And I’m praying that you’re staying.
But I feel the pressure building.
You’re quitting and now you’re ready to leave.

But maybe this is for the best.
Give us some time to separate and find some peace in all of this.
But then some pieces wouldn’t fit.
We’re shattered beyond repair.

Break me again.
Your contempt condemns.
Destroy a piece of me that’s irreplaceable. Take my body.
Crush it all.
Break my legs.
Watch me fall.
Sick of pretending to be unbreakable.

Give me the reason I can’t find a single word.
My mental state is bruised and beaten from looking for ways to make this work. You’ve got your demons.
I’ve got a few more than I’d like.
But that doesn’t give me a rhyme or reason to burn down everything in sight.
Every time we fight I lose another week to lack of sleep.
Keep my thoughts locked away with every promise you can’t keep.

I thought you were all that I need.
I gave my all and you just took.

And you’ve got your demons.
I’ve got a few more than I’d like.

Break me again.
Your contempt condemns.
Destroy a piece of me that’s irreplaceable. Leave me shattered on the floor.
Can’t rebuild this anymore.
Sick of pretending to be unbreakable.

I’m the unbreakable.

I’m done with trying to be unbreakable. 

 

Bargaining

I think I saw a ghost
I felt the cold phase through my bones
it made me feel so exposed
it felt so real. it felt like home

was it you? (was it you)
it’s been 6 years
since I heard your voice echo through my ears

this pain
can’t stop myself from feeling
this way
6 years I’m still not healing
I hope I grow to be
(please come back home to me)
the person I’m supposed to be
(I still feel you close to me)

I’m sure I saw you/
When i looked in the mirror/
I’m living for you/
Every time I feel like this is it/
I remember a time we were innocent/
And it hurts each time I think of it/
When you left it really did us in/
But I will sing for you/
I’d give anything for your help in dealing
You’re the reason why I’m feeling/

Please just bring him back home
He didn’t mean to leave me
If only he could see I know he wouldn’t want me feeling

____________________________________________________

Walkabout EP

I Always Knew

I'm so sick of your lack of compassion, your cold eyes and your passive aggression
You look right through me like you never knew me
My bones are weak and my skin is bruised and scarred
I don't know who you are anymore
I let you abuse me
How could you do this to me?

This constant rejection is digging deeper everyday
You focus in on every imperfection
I can feel you slipping away but I don't want to let go

What did I do to deserve this? (the pain you caused)
Was it all on purpose? (I gave you my heart)
You just made me feel worthless (we're too far gone)
Nothing could ever reverse this

Now I know what's coming but I'm still not ready to let you go
I don't like what we're becoming
Just talk to me
Please let me know that I'm not losing you

I always knew you'd be the one to break my heart in two
It's too much to take
I'd say I need you but you'd never believe me
I have to move on
I know that you don't need me

Well that may not be true
But what else could I think when I listen to you
You put yourself down every step of the way
When I tell you I love you, you don't believe me
Why cant you believe?

Now I know what's coming but I'm still not ready to hear those words
I wish I could start running so this pain in my heart won't get any worse.
I know I'm losing you.

I never needed you
You never needed me
You never needed me
And I don't need you

High Cholesterol

Can you give me a cogent reason why I gravitate to things that no one likes?
And do I really want to be this way?
No.
But I itch and I can't scratch
My back is aching for the lash
I'm a glutton for the punishment but starving for what I can never get

For the first time in my life I just want to do whats right with a childlike wonder
That wont put me under you.
For the first time in my life I just want to do what feels right with a childlike wonder
That wont put me under you.

And sometimes I don't want to be anything, anyone like me
And though the world must share my hate, why is it so hard to relate?

Well lately now I find I want to be innocent, experienced at the same time
And time is precious agony
It's never ending yet fleeting from me

You don't know whats in my heart but I can show you
You don't know whats in my heart

Jamestown

These drunken nights are starting to bore me
I'm turned off every time you ignore me
Your constant lies are becoming too much to take and this high school drama does nothing for me

All I wanted was your honesty
But you couldn't just be honest with me

So I'm moving on from this mistake
You fade away with every breath I take
I'm sick of trying to fix what I can't change
And I feel sick when I hear your name

Another day
Another bottle
Another way to drown your sorrows
Cant imagine what its like to live a life so numb
So devoid of all emotion
Look at what you've become
You're a shell, a shell of what you once were
Can't look me in the eyes and give me a straight answer
Now I'm down on my knees
Can't figure out how you feel
And I'm begging you please
Just tell me this is for real

So I'm moving on from this mistake
You fade away with every breath I take
I'm sick of trying to fix what I can't change
And I feel sick when I hear your name
I'm letting go of the idea of spending my life with you
You were never in love and I was never enough

Now I'm making room inside for someone deserving
For years I had tried not to share any space
Thought that part of me had died with no will to fight.
Now I'm feeling revived
I hope this never goes away

Miranda

I can't find the humanity/I'm all alone

We can't change what we're meant to be/I can't condone
We're no different. We are simply beasts/What we all do
We kill our own if it fits our needs/Can we improve?

We were not meant to be more than animals
We were not meant to be more than animals
We're hunting in packs, killing together
They tell us they think they can make people better
They can't because this is all we are

I'm not part of humanity/I'm all alone
I can't change what I'm meant to be/I can't condone
Can't be saviors/What we all do
Kill our brothers/Can we improve?

We selfish animals who walk the globe
Looking out for ourselves is all we know
We're hunting in packs, killing together
They tell us they think they can make people better
They can't because this is all we are

Misbehave

I'm a masochistic optimist scared of everything I'm up against and I can't find solid ground with my head up in the clouds
Sometimes I don't wanna be here but I'm looking for acceptance
Searching for some common sense in a bundle of contradictions

And when your life is spent coping with living can you really call that living at all?
And can you be sure that you have perspective while you're shielding your eyes from it all?

So take me as I am/
And you can take my hand while I talk about the long run while I can barely stand/
And I'll make the best laid plans because this is who I am
Just someone trying to make sense of what I don't understand

It's like a stress test to have a normal conversation
Too much anger and frustration at the surface
And all that I am basing this is being subpar at relationships
And the toll that this is taking is obvious

And when you spend your life coping with living can you really call that living at all?
And can you make any progress with your back against the wall?

I'm the sum of my experience, plus all the places that I've been
I hope that's enough in the end
Divided by the pain I feel, plus all the love that makes this real
I hope that's enough in the end

Live Together, Die Alone

I'm not concerned

This world is smaller than it seems
Maybe if you look outside you'll see just what I mean
And I don't mean outside your window
Perspective is so quintessential
A captain's role is not that simple
I don't ever realize my potential
(I use) ten percent of my brain and I'd kill for the other ninety
Maybe then I'd have the strength to put my own road blocks behind me

So I'm making plans to change this misanthropic mind of mine and i've got a funny feeling I actually mean it this time.
Because if I stay for one more second, my soul will die at twenty-seven
And I won't pay the cost for another lowlife lost

I take back what I said. I'm quite concerned that there's things I should have learned, like the right things to do to keep my breathing
Because I can't think about salaries or calories, formalities
They all just constantly fight me and it does nothing for my psyche.

Just to stay alive, I had to give myself away
We had a funeral and a birth on the same day
It took me all of a year to accept that I'm okay
We had a funeral and a birth on the same day

_______________________________________________________

Follow Your Nightmares EP

Pink Cloud 9

You may never see me again.
Not while I'm in the state I'm in.
But if you do you can be sure it's
just a character performance.
Will you wait for me while I accept
My current status as a side effect?
And as I address my mood,
I feel a sudden change of altitude.

I can see my house from here,
and I like the view but it's dark up here.
So, no tea and sympathy
while I market my misery.
I can never crash and drown
if I never come down.

Don't you dare ask me to stop.
Couldn't even if I wanted to.
But my addiction
is self infliction.
Never been so in love.
I've never been so in love.

But I'm actually okay.
Still got a ways to go.
And that'll be nice to say
when I'm 28 years old.
I can't see into the future, but

I can see my house from here.
I like the view.
You'd like it, too.

I can see my house from here,
and I like the view but it's dark up here.
So, no tea and sympathy
while I market my misery.
I'll never crash and drown.

Candy Cane Forest

The problem with a safety net is that even if you need one, it still means that you're gonna fall/

I find forgiveness to be seldom seen and, of all the feelings you can have I think that pity's worst of all/
I've been thinking bout where this began/
When I was trapped inside a place I simply couldn't stand/
And now the journeys take me to a place that's one of courage
But I'm too scared to leave/
(I'm too scared)

Someone out there please explain/
The difference between love and pain/
Cuz I've been be tryna figure
Why they're starting to feel the same/

The problem with a safety net is that even if you need one, it still means that you're gonna fall/
I find rescues to be seldom seen when you're far too cowardly to even answer when they call/
Some friends of mine hold out their hands/
And say lets get motivated to do the best we can/
But the more I reach back to the them to pull them closer, the more I push them away/
(I'm too scared)

Someone out there please explain/
The difference between love and pain/
Cuz I've been be tryna figure
Why they're starting to feel the same/
And I can't bring myself to get/
The difference between life and death/
Cuz I've been tryna figure/
Why they're starting to feel the same/

Life can't be about just trying not to die/

Safety Harbor

That day I could've been anyone I wanted to be but/
That day I just wanted to be me/

I've spent everyday this year trying to break out of this stasis/
Therapeutic Isolation, on an everyday basis/
And I'm always surrounded by the constant threat of evil/
And I can't look at myself and can't be seen by other people/
Like I'm always chasing peace, and my god damn legs don't work/
But I saw something to behold and I just wanted to observe a while /

Felt like summer in November, and for a moment I felt better/

I always feel like this/
In an identity crisis/
And That day I could've been anyone I wanted to be but /
That day I just wanted to be me /

But I don't most days. And thats gotta change/
That can't be the best way to do this/
I don't feel wanted/
All i feel haunted, by memories of trying to get through this/
There's people progressing that I keep denying/
While I comment on the sideline and mock them for trying/
Not knowing how good I could be/
Next Halloween I wanna dress up as me/

I always feel like this/
In an identity crisis/
And That day I could've been anyone I wanted to be but /
That day I just wanted to be me/

Therapeutic isolation/
I need to rise above my station/
If nothing I do matters, all that matters is what I do

 

Follow Your Nightmares

Im worried pain is the strongest feeling I'll ever have/

If pain reveals who we truly are, then maybe I'm not so bad/
I'm gonna die trying to make a point no one's ever going to get/
I'm not discouraged enough to shut up yet/

I want to be out there/
There's must be something/
I wanna follow my nightmares/
So here goes nothing/

I wanna be an outlier, look stupid in the front row/
I wanna be innocent, experienced, go places I'd never go/
I've spent enough time on my knees in worship. And now it's time to kill my idols/
I'll make sure that their death takes a while/

Let me out of here/
I want to do what scares me/